Porthos' Log: The Dog's Logs
by visodyssey
Summary: *Chapter 12 Added* Porthos' Logs through Enterprise! R&R please!
1. Porthos' Log 1 It's A Dog's Life

Porthos' Log  
All Porthos' Log chapters copyright © 2002-2003 Steve Gilks. All rights reserved.  
  
Chapter 1 – It's A Dog's Life  
  
08:20 hours  
  
It's a great life. I'm a young, fit, athletic dog, with great looks and charm, and I belong to one of the most famous people alive today. I've heard Captain Archer talk about something called Enterprise… I'm not sure what that is, but I'm sure I'll find out. I go everywhere with Archer.  
He's gone off to a meeting today with Admiral Forrest. I'm not allowed in the meeting room, so I stayed at home and guarded the house. Several cats tried to infiltrate the garden, but I made sure they didn't succeed.  
I'm going to have a quick nap now, before Jonathon gets home.   
  
18:00 hours  
  
Well, Captain Archer got back. He was with Commander Tucker, and they were talking about this Enterprise thing again. I'm not sure, but I think it's some kind of ship, from what they were saying. 'Trip' as the Captain calls him fed me some cheese, quite a large piece of cheese. I was very pleased about that. The Captain doesn't give me cheese much because he says I don't get along with it.  
I also noticed that the Captain's been packing up some stuff into suitcases. He's packed most of my dog stuff too. I think we might be going somewhere. I hope we're going up into space. I love stargazing.  
  
Four Days Later…  
  
21:00 hours  
  
Well, my wish has come true. We're going into space. Enterprise is a ship, the best in Starfleet; it's the first one of something called the NX-class. We'll be taking a Klingon (at least that's what I think I heard) back to his home.  
There was this woman come into the Captain's ready room while I was in there today. She had pointy ears. She looked at me, then looked back at the Captain. Apparently, she has been trained to tolerate 'offensive situations'. What does she mean by this?  
Nevertheless, Trip fed me some more cheese, which was nice of him. He is obviously a very nice and generous person. I wonder if the other crewmembers are? I haven't met many of them yet, but I have seen Trip, T'Pol and, of course, Captain Archer. I had a quick peep round the bridge on my way into the ready room, and I saw a woman with black hair, and a man who I heard was called Phlox.  
It looks like it's gonna be really good on this ship. I'm sure I'll enjoy it here.  
  
End Porthos Log, April 21, 2151 


	2. Porthos' Log 2 Flight or Fight

Porthos' Log  
Chapter 2 – 'Fight or Flight'  
  
08:08 hours  
  
I saw this alien ship out the window of the ready room. It sure looked messed up. There was a great big hole in the top of it. Archer was talking to a woman called Hoshi, who was (at least, I think) a little nervous of going over there. However, after putting on one of my most adorable faces, the Captain gave me some cheese.  
  
16:00 hours.  
  
Well, Captain Archer went to dinner with T'Pol and Trip in a very depressed mood. He was muttering about just running away from the alien ship, and his log entry said he wasn't sure if he was doing the right thing by leaving.  
  
The Next Morning…  
  
09:00 hours.  
  
Well, my owner's feelings got the better of him. After the meal, he recorded a supplemental log entry saying that he was going back to the alien ship, to record and transmit a distress call, and find out how the aliens aboard were killed. I hope the people who did the killings don't come back.  
  
11:30 hours.  
  
I should learn not to tempt fate. The ship's under attack! I hate it when we get attacked. Wait… I can see the alien ship out of the window; it's flying towards us! And what are those things coming out of the bottom of the ship?  
  
12:00 hours.  
  
Well we're all ok again. It seems that the woman who popped by earlier was able to tell an alien ship from the race of the killed crew to destroy the attacking ship. We're saved! Yay! We live to fight another day! And to top it all off, I got some cheese biscuits from the ship's chef!  
  
End Porthos Log, May 6 2151. 


	3. Porthos' Log 3 Strange New World

Porthos' Log  
Chapter 3 - 'Strange New World'  
  
08:00 hours  
  
We've come into orbit of a Minshara class planet. It looks a lot like Earth. I'm sure the Captain will be sending an away team to the planet to investigate, and I hope I get to take a look. I haven't been off the ship for a while so I hope to get some fresh air.  
  
10:00 hours  
  
Yay! I get to go look round the planet! I hope there will be plenty of cheese there.  
  
11:00 hours  
  
Well, I'm on the planet. It's quite nice here actually, quite like Earth. It's got lovely flowers and waterfalls and grass and stuff like that, and lots of areas to play in. Unfortunately, there wasn't any cheese, but Trip brought me some cheese along. He had to hide it from the Captain though. John's being saying more and more often that I'm having far too much cheese.  
  
17:50 hours  
  
We're going back up to the ship now. I had great fun on the planet. The lady with the pointy ears and some other crewmen are staying on the planet, with Trip and Mayweather as well. That means no cheese for a while! WAAAAAA!!!!  
  
The next day…  
  
09:00 hours  
  
Well it turns out the away team had a rather interesting night on the planet. Apparently they got infected by these spores and they all went mad for a while, till T'Pol (apparently that's what she's called) shot Trip with a phase pistol and sorted it all out. Anyway, after Trip's recovered, I'm sure he'll give me some more cheese!!!  
  
End Porthos Log, May 21 2151 


	4. Porthos' Log 4 Unexpected

Porthos' Log  
Chapter 4 - 'Unexpected'  
  
08:00 hours  
  
Water floated out of the bathroom! Turns out my owner, Captain Archer, was having a shower when the gravity plating, whatever that is, went offline. So he told me anyway, before giving me my morning dog food and pack of Mini Cheddars!  
  
08:40 hours  
  
T'Pol came to see me. She said she didn't like the human food, including some cheeses there, and thought I might like them, so she brought a generous helping for me. I didn't know Vulcans could be so nice!  
  
10:00 hours  
  
Turns out the malfunctions were caused by an alien ship, the Xyrillians. Trip's gone to visit them. While he was transferring, I got my next meal of dog food.  
  
14:00 hours  
  
Trip's having trouble over there. I hope he'll be ok.  
  
17:00 hours  
  
I just heard Trip's pregnant!  
  
15:00 hours, 2 weeks later  
  
Well it's all over. We found the Xyrillians, and after a quick confrontation with a Klingon ship, Trip got the foetus transferred to another host. And he got me some Xyrillian cheese!  
  
End Porthos Log, June 07 2151 


	5. Porthos' Log 5 Terra Nova

Porthos' Log   
  
Chapter 5: Terra Nova  
  
06:50 hours  
  
Jonathan got up early this morning to watch a game of water polo before he went to work. Water polo is ok, but the Captain watches it all the time, it gets a bit tedious. There was this show we watched once, I believe it had 'Voyager' somewhere in the title, now that was cool, I hope he puts that on again sometime.  
  
09:12 hours  
  
Hoshi popped by to feed me. She said that the ship was heading for a colony called Terra Nova, and the Captain was busy preparing with T'Pol, so she had been ordered to feed me. Nevertheless, she does it well – she brought several exotic cheeses, and also some Vulcan cheese. It was a little bland, but it was still quite nice.  
  
13:52 hours  
  
I was listening to the proceedings on the bridge over the comm, and I found out that the colony was gone. Archer and Malcolm have gone underground while T'Pol and Mayweather are guarding the entrance.  
  
18:00 hours  
  
I was having my evening walk around the ship with Hoshi when we got to sickbay, and I saw these people here. They weren't from the crew so I guess they were Novans. Interesting people. They looked a bit like rocks, but they were ok.  
  
(next morning) 10:00 hours  
  
Archer took the Novans back to the planet. Hoshi explained to me that they were ill because of an asteroid that had brought contaminants into the atmosphere. But they believe we humans (well, should I say, the humans) are responsible, and so they don't trust us!  
  
16:35 hours  
  
Well we finally managed to earn their trust after Archer risked his life to help save a drowning Novan. And they finally accepted our advice and moved out of the contaminated area. Chef also was whipping up omelettes to celebrate, which was really great for me!  
  
End Porthos' Log, June 20 2151 


	6. Porthos' Log 6 The Andorian Incident

Porthos' Log  
1.6 The Andorian Incident  
  
09:00 hours  
  
Captain Archer found this new planet P'Jem, it's a Vulcan sanctuary for the Kolinahr ceremony apparently. I've seen this film called Star Trek: The Motion Picture on one of the weekly film nights, and this Kolinahr is the Vulcan purging of emotion. It should be an interesting visit nonetheless, I'm looking forward to seeing and sampling the cheeses they use to test the candidates for Kolinahr.  
  
11:00 hours  
  
Hmmm. Hoshi told me that the away team (T'Pol, Trip and Archer) have gotten captured by some Andorians on the planet. They've demanded we give them some phase pistols to get the away team back. Hoshi also told me not to worry; Reed will save them. I hope so; I don't want to lose my owner.  
  
15:00 hours  
  
We've just detected a transmission from a Vulcan transmitter in some caves according to Reed. I've been on the bridge, checking out the action.  
  
19:00 hours  
  
Reed and co launched a daring rescue plan to get the away team back. But they found something interesting… A Vulcan sensor array designed to spy on the Andorians! Archer ordered T'Pol to scan the array and give the scans to the Andorians so that they could prove the existence of the Array. As thanks, the Andorians gave us a hamper of their food. Although most of it barely resembled anything I've seen before, there were some nice Andorian blue cheeses which I sampled, and enjoyed very much! Shame about the Vulcan cheese, but I guess you win some you lose some. Anyway the Andorian Shran said he was in the Captain's debt, so maybe I'll get some more cheese in the future…  
  
End Porthos' Log, July 14 2151 


	7. Porthos' Log 7 Breaking the Ice

Porthos' Log  
1.7 Breaking the Ice  
  
21:00 hours  
  
Would you look at that comet!!!! It's huge, it's beautiful, it's wonderful! I've never seen anything so impressive! Well, maybe except for Cheese Mountain on Earth… Still there's this lovely dessert that Trip brought me a sample of. It's called Pekan Pie, and it's absolutely gorgeous. Almost as good as Red Leicester cheese from Earth.  
  
09:00 hours  
  
Malcolm and Travis get to go walk on the comet and build snowmen! I'm sooooo jealous! I love snow. Anyway, they promised to build a snow-Porthos while they are there, and they'll get some pictures for me, so I guess missing the experience won't be so bad after all. According to Reed, they'll be having fun 'going where their hearts will take them'. Hmmm…  
  
11:00 hours  
  
Captain Archer had to do a recording for a school group back on Earth. He did a recording on the bridge, including various questions like 'what do you eat', 'how do you talk to aliens', 'can germs live in space' and 'when you flush the toilet, where does it go?' After the bridge session, he recorded me on the camera, and told them a little bit about me. I was very honoured, and it made me feel really good to be included on such an important videotape.  
  
15:00 hours  
  
Vanik's come over to dinner, but seemed uncomfortable in my presence. I wonder if this has anything to do with that comment T'Pol made back when Enterprise was launched…  
  
18:00 hours  
  
Malcolm and Travis just blew up a bit of the comet! Seems they're looking for a rare mineral. Unfortunately the snow-Porthos and snowman were destroyed in the explosion! WAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!  
  
21:00 hours  
  
Unfortunately, the explosion has made the comet turn round faster. The ice is melting…  
  
21:30 hours  
  
The shuttlepod's fallen into a gap! Fortunately the Vulcans are lending a hand. It would seem that that Captain Vanik is also a kind and generous man; he secretly transmitted the recipe for Vulcan cheese omelettes (special canine edition) to Chef for me to sample. Well, I'll be back soon with my next log, after having sampled these new Vulcan cheese omelettes!  
  
End Porthos' Log, July 25 2151 


	8. Porthos' Log 8 Civilisation

Porthos' Log  
1.8 Civilisation  
  
09:00 hours  
  
Well I've been doing some stargazing again, I like to stargaze, and I watched us approach this nice M-class planet. It's blue and green, a lot like another planet I've seen… I hope I get to take a walk on the planet, perhaps meet some of this species' canine creatures.  
  
09:25 hours  
  
Archer, T'Pol, Hoshi and Trip are getting to go to the surface. They've got these funny ridges on their foreheads, makes them look a little like an alien species on a sci-fi TV show I once saw, they were called the Cardassians… Hmmm, I won't be going, Hoshi didn't find any dogs. Ah well…  
  
09:26 hours  
  
Oh, and here's something interesting… there's advanced technology on the planet, but the people there are pre-industrial…  
  
11:00 hours  
  
Hmmm, it would appear that the people on the planet are ill! I hope it wasn't caused by their cheeses!  
  
12:00 hours  
  
Turns out that power source is being created by a generator on the service. We've been told it powers a fabrication device, it 'replicates' things… Perhaps one day, Starfleet will develop such a device. Until that day I will be eating the excellent food prepared by Chef, including his excellent cheese sandwiches!  
  
22:00 hours  
  
The away team is back on the ship, except for Archer who stayed on the planet. T'Pol brought some cheese back for me, turns out that it wasn't the cheese. Apparently it was the water…  
  
09:00 hours  
  
Archer reported back that he had witnessed deliveries being made to the shop at night, and that they had seen packages being taken to an alien ship.  
  
10:00 hours  
  
Archer and Riann (a new female friend of his, I wonder what they got up to?) have entered the shop and found a secret underground mining operation! They're trying to shut it down by getting the reactor beamed out… ship rocks I think we're under attack again!  
  
11:00 hours  
  
T'Pol ingeniously had the reactor beamed into space then detonated it to disable the alien ship. After disabling their weapons, they had to give us a hamper of food before T'Pol agreed to spare them. Riann and Archer shared one final kiss (a good one, so he said) and he gave them the cure to the virus. I look forward, again, to sampling the cheese-based products from the hamper…  
  
End Porthos' Log, July 31 2151 


	9. Porthos' Log 9 Fortunate Son

Porthos' Log  
1.9 Fortunate Son  
  
08:00 hours  
  
We're off to see another vessel from Earth today, the E.C.S. Fortunate. It's a cargo ship, so it stands to reason that they might have some rare cheeses aboard! Also, they sell old videos, so it's possible they'll have some water polo tapes for the Captain, or some Voyager tapes for me! Yay!!!  
  
10:00 hours  
  
Well, we'll be sticking around for a while. Turns out the ship was attacked by some evil people called the Nausicaans. I've had Hoshi beam me some of their cheese aboard, and boy is it good! They also gave me some Mini Cheddars – the special barbecue flavoured ones! They're delicious!  
  
18:00 hours  
  
Mayweather is giving Ryan (the first officer aboard the Fortunate) a tour of Enterprise, with special emphasis to the food. It seems that Ryan has not had as good food for years. Well, perhaps (he noted to me) except for the cheese…  
  
20:00 hours  
  
Archer, T'Pol and an away team have gone to investigate some strange bio-readings on the Fortunate. They think there's a Nausicaan on board…  
  
21:00 hours  
  
There was! And, Ryan locked the away team in a cargo bay, made a hull breach in it, and detached it from the ship! After firing on Enterprise he left! I'll get him if he comes back here. Grrrrrr…  
09:00 hours  
  
We've found the Fortunate. It's attacking the Nausicaan ships! One freighter against three warships? It looks like Ryan is either mad, or has something like the shield frequencies of the Nausicaans…  
  
10:00 hours  
  
Well all's been sorted. Archer threatened the Nausicaans with Enterprise's firepower, and Mayweather persuaded Ryan to give up the hostage. All's well that ends well I guess. Ryan got demoted but that serves him right for attacking our ship!!!  
  
The Nausicaans gave us some Nausicaan cheese based products including the recipe for Nausicaan War-Monger's Omelette. Chef's whipping up a batch right now. I can't wait… As for the Voyager tapes, we got a few of them, specifically 'Caretaker' and 'Once Upon A Time'. Not a bad haul if I do say so myself.  
  
End Porthos' Log, August 12 2151.  
f 


	10. Porthos' Log 10 Cold Front

Porthos' Log  
1.10 Cold Front  
  
09:00 hours  
  
I've finally finished developing this comm system interlink node, now I can properly spy on what's going on anywhere on the ship. At this moment, Captain Archer's talking to this Captain Fraddick. We'll be having some visitors by the looks of it!  
  
10:00 hours  
  
We've entered this anomaly, it's really cool looking. We're going to something called the Great Plume of Agosoria, a protostar that the Celebrants who have come aboard believe is sacred. The plume will be erupting soon, I'm looking forward to watching it. Sounds like fun. Also the Celebrants must have known about me, they smuggled in some cheeses from their various worlds. I'm looking forward to putting my feet up with a plate of cheese sandwiches and a good view of the Plume to watch the event.  
  
13:00 hours  
  
Well we've just survived a highly damaging hit by plasma lightning! Someone pulled out a conduit in Engineering and the ship was saved as a result. But no-one admits to doing it!  
  
15:00 hours  
  
Hmmm. Capt. Archer came in and made his log entry. He's trying to decide whether or not to help a certain Crewman Daniels, who claims to be from 900 years in the future, and has come back to try and capture Silik, the bloke who fought the Captain in the first mission. But apparently it was Silik that saved the ship, so why would Archer want to help capture him?  
  
17:00 hours  
  
That evil Silik just phasered Archer! He came in, demanded to know who was looking for him, then when T'Pol accidentally said it over the comm, Silik shot Archer and left!  
  
19:00 hours  
  
After some searching we've found Silik. He's stolen something and he's trying to escape via the shuttlebay! Oh this is exciting, I'll record this onto video I think…  
  
21:00 hours  
  
Well Archer couldn't stop Silik escaping but he did manage to destroy the device he was trying to steal. So perhaps all is not lost…  
Anyway the Plume eruption was amazing. I enjoyed watching it.  
  
End Porthos' Log, August 19 2151. 


	11. Porthos' Log 11 Silent Enemy

Porthos' Log  
1.11 Silent Enemy  
  
09:00 hours  
  
Hmm this alien ship's just popped up outside. It's a lovely green colour! I'll recommend repainting the hull green when I see Trip next, I think that colour suits Enterprise.  
  
11:00 hours  
  
Well this is just great. Just great. We've been attacked by an alien ship, and they managed to destroy the one area on the ship worth saving – the cheese storage facilities on B-deck! It's not fair! What's worse, the alien ship didn't respond to hails, so we can't even see if they have some cheese we can have!  
  
14:30 hours  
  
I'm currently out for a walk with Archer and Trip. I had a quick word with Trip while Archer was getting ready, both about getting the hull painted green and also about more hull plating and automated torpedo launchers for the cheese storage section, and he said he would look into both. Here's hoping… Also, Hoshi came by and asked me if I knew what Malcolm's favourite food is, apparently she's on some sort of covert mission… I told her I didn't know. However, knowing fate as I do, it'll probably be leola root or gagh or pineapple or something…  
  
16:00 hours  
  
We're on our way back to Earth! I bet I know why – we're getting the hull painted!!!! Yay!!!!  
  
(one week later) 08:00 hours  
  
It also seems Trip's getting those weapons installed! He's putting some kind of advanced weapon called a 'phase cannon' into the ship. If this is what happens when I make requests, I'm going to be making them a bit more often in the future…   
  
12:00 hours  
  
That lovely green ship's back! And look at those lovely red phase beams splashing against the ship's lovely green shielding! This is almost as nice as Edam cheese! Hey! The green ship's running off! That's not fair! WAAAA!!!!  
  
13:00 hours  
  
More bad news!!! We're not going home anymore! So the ship's not going to get painted! Ah well, at least we got the phase cannons. Speaking of which, I wonder if those 'phasers' that the people in that show call Voyager are anything like them? Well we'll just have to wait and see, I guess…  
  
End Porthos' Log, September 1 2151. 


	12. Porthos' Log 12 Dear Doctor

Porthos' Log   
  
1.12 Dear Doctor  
  
08:00 hours  
  
I just received this from Earth. It came on two discs, it's called 'Star Trek: Nemesis'. It's ok, but honestly, killing Data? It's not on!  
  
The ship in that film was called Enterprise too. Maybe it's like what we'll develop eventually…  
  
10:00 hours  
  
I'm on sickbay duty today. I'm serving with Phlox and watching people coming in.  
  
Watched someone come in with nitrogen burns. I mean, why do we have nitrogen aboard this ship? Surely we've got better chemicals than that by now?  
  
I was also examined; apparently I've been eating too much alien cheese. Moi? Overindulging in alien cultures? I think Archer is far better acquainted with the fine art of, ummm, 'exploring alien cultures'. Seen 'Civilisation'?  
  
There's some wuvely womance aboard ship too. Arrrrr! Look at Cutler and Phlox. Aren't they just the cutest, the greatest?  
  
NO! T/A all the way!  
  
13:00 hours  
  
During my walk around ship I learnt about all the latest happenings. There's, like, these people, and, like, there's these other people. All on the same planet! Two races on one planet! Isn't that cool?  
  
13:01 hours  
  
Oh yeah, they've, like, got this illness too. According to my Enterprise episode guide, it's incurable. Perhaps, like me, the model of health, they should eat more alien cheeses!  
  
15:00 hours  
  
(burps) I've, like, you know, like, had, like a likkle bit too much to dwink, like. I got all upset about the aliens and had to, like, get ridded of the, like, feelings. But this, like, alien alc-a-ol is really, like, cool! You should, like, twy it!  
  
15:05 hours  
  
Ensign Hoshi Sato, Chief Exolinguist and Communications Officer here. Porthos would like to apologise to Starfleet for his last log entry. Wouldn't you Porthos? (whimper) Yes, you would, wouldn't you?  
  
(next morning) 08:00 hours  
  
We're on the planet taking samples of alien blood for analysis. One of the Menk, the second race here, organized them for us!  
  
Oh, and I'd like to apologise for yesterday. That was totally out of line, and I'm glad Hoshi came by to rectify the situation.  
  
21:00 hours  
  
Captain Archer came in cursing. It seems Phlox has developed a cure but Archer is in two minds over whether to give it to the species that needs it. Their illness was natural; changing it might change the whole course of evolution on the planet, and that would be wrong. If you watch Voyager you might say it was a violation of the Prime Directive. Not that they really obeyed the Directive anyway…  
  
(next morning) 10:00 hours  
  
Archer gave the species an intermediary between nothing and the cure. A medicine that will assist for ten years or so. In return they provided us with a hamper of food; unfortunately there was no cheese, but there was a nice drink called Slug-o-cola – the slimiest cola in the Galaxy! It's really quite nice! Think I might see if I can seek out the people who made it!  
  
End Porthos Log, October 15 2151. 


End file.
